Lily, Snape and James
by HollzHatter
Summary: A DIFFERENT TAKE ON THE LILY/JAMES/SEVERUS LOVE TRIANGLE. LILY AND SEVERUS FINALLY CROSS THE LINE FROM FRIENDSHIP TO ROMANCE, BUT WILL IT LAST? I DO NOT OWN ANY OF HARRY POTTER ETC, THERE IS SOME MATURE CONTENT AND LANGUAGE.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Harry Potter- any of the characters or places mentioned in the story. Please rate and comment I'd like to know what I need to improve on Chapter One

'James Potter fancies you!" Severus Snape gabbled- the words died in his throat as if they physically hurt to say.

It was a cold autumn day; the trees in the grounds were flailing in the cold wind around them and Lily's hair whipped her face.

She brushed a deep rouge tendril out of her eyes and looked up into Snape's face, he was looking away staring forcibly at the lake. Heat was rising in his face and neck, clashing awfully with his pearly skin.

'So what if he does?' she replied defiantly.

'I…I…just don't want you to get hurt. He's Pathetic…Quidditch hero…arrogant…everyone thinks…' he mumbled, more to himself it seemed.

'I don't care what everyone thinks, and I don't care if he fancies me' for the first time lily seemed to falter in her speech, 'and anyway…I…I like someone else'

Severus looked at her quickly; it was Lily's turn to blush.

'What do you mean?' He lent towards her, his raven black hair fell into his face.

Lily sighed, her eyes dropped to the ground, which was carpeted with leaves and the reds, yellows, and oranges blew around their ankles and occasionally got caught on the hems of their black robes.

The bell for the end of lunch echoed through the grounds.

'What lesson do you have now Sev?' she said quickly to cover the awkward moment.

'Same as you, Defence against the Dark arts.'

Lily Slipped into a seat, blowing out her cheeks, she inwardly cringed to think what her friends would say if they ever caught wind that she had any feelings for Severus. Future Death Eaters were a no-no when it came to boys. She couldn't help remembering the dull ache that rose in her stomach and chest every time he touched her, butterflies fluttering painfully inside her when she knew she was going to see him…

She turned and opened her mouth to say something to Severus and found he was sat in the corner, next to Mulciber and Avery.

The three of them were huddled with their heads together, talking in low voices. She stared at the boys for a while, they were an odd trio. Severus was tall and willowy; his hair fell in dark curtains around his pale face and protruding nose. Mulciber was short and bulky with short tufts of blonde hair, Avery on the other hand was stocky, but with hair that fell to the top of his ears- he looked strangely out of proportion.

Lily felt uneasy, no matter how much she wanted to see the good in people, she detested Mulciber and Avery. She was sure they would join the ranks of the ever growing Death Eaters, and Severus would go that way too.

Their conference went on until Professor Verity strolled in. A portly woman, her leaf-green robes complimented her dark eyes and dirty - blonde hair.

Her steely voice rose above the chatter and laughter of her class.

'Settle down, settle down now, can everyone take their seats?'

Severus lowered himself into the chair next to Lily and smiled at her. She tried to return the smile, but it came into a sort of grimace.

'Can everyone take out their copies of Rising Evil: a Guide to self- defence, and start by reading the introduction, and the theory of the first spell then we will practice it' the professor said loudly over the general noise of people sitting down.

Lily stared down at her book, the words were like caterpillars moving and squirming under her gaze. She couldn't concentrate, she could hear his breath, the way he flicks his hair from his eyes, the way he clutches the end of the desk… She wanted him so badly, a balloon swelled in the pit of her stomach, her heart thumped against her ribcage.

She mentally shook herself, and looked down at the page in front of her, 'the incantation: "_Protego!_" creates a shield around the caster, protecting them from most spells. There is a specific wand movement, in figuration 3, you will see…'

Professor Verity called into the silence, 'Ok, divide up into partners and try the shield charm, I will allow the disarming spell ONLY, understood?' Most of the class nodded enthusiastically and the scraping of chairs was deafening.

Severus turned to Lily. 'Lets see how good you can do then eh?' he laughed.

Each pair moved into a space, and soon the class was filled with cries of 'Expelliarmus!' and 'Protego!'.

'So, what were you and Mulciber talking about?' Lily asked quizzically.

'Nothing…just the up coming Quidditch game' he said casually

This immediately raised Lily's suspicions 'But…you hate Quidditch'

She stopped, and stared at him, he flinched under her stare.

'I don't want you to go down that road, I don't want you to become a Death Eater Severus' she said urgently. This sudden proclamation startled him.

'We were talking about Quidditch' he said forcefully.

'Really?' Lily said sarcastically.

'Why don't you trust me?' Severus snapped. 'I'm tired of having to explain myself to you, I thought our friendship was worth more than that Lily'

'It won't be worth much when you go and join the Death Eaters and I never see you again' she retorted.

'It…it wont be like that…' Severus said, looking suddenly very sad.

'So you are going to join then?' Lily pressed.

Mulciber had been listening closely, and came up behind Snape.

'What's it to you, Mudblood?'

The affect of these words was instantaneous: most of the girls stopped and clapped their hands to their mouths. The Gryffindors pointed their wands in Mulciber's direction. Lily looked at Snape, who's face-hardened, and he looked away.

'I WILL NOT HAVE THAT OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE IN MY CLASS MULCIBER, COME HERE' Professor Verity boomed. Mulciber gave Lily a contemptuous look and slouched up to the teacher.

Lily was still staring at Snape who did nothing but determinedly glare at a solitary table. She picked up her things, turned on her heel, and headed straight for the common room.

The warm Gryffindor common room was mercifully empty. Lily threw herself into an armchair and buried her face in her hands. What if he does become a death eater? She may never see him again. This thought conjured feelings of utter hopelessness inside her, this train of thought continued until a few hours later her friend Mary was shaking her awake.

'Lily, are you all right? I'm going down for dinner, do you want to come?'

'Yeah…yes, I'll come'

The students were talking loudly amongst themselves, serving each other stake and kidney pie. As Lily shuffled in behind Mary and some other Gryffindor students, Severus grabbed her around the wrist, pulling her back. He stuffed a note into her hand and gave her a fleeting, pleading look and he melted into the passing crowd. Lily took a seat next to Mary who was deep in conversation with another Gryffindor. She looked at the note under the table.

The note was scrawled untidily and it was barely legible:

**Lily, **

**I have never been so ashamed in all my life, I want to make this up to you, please, please don't hate me. Will you meet me tomorrow for the Hogsmeade trip? I have something I should have told you a while ago. **

**Please, **

**Severus. **

Lily pondered the note for a while as she drew the curtains around her four-poster. She lay her head down and fell asleep almost immediately, the note still clutched in her hand.

It was a grey morning; the sky was white with overcast that gave it the look of an unfinished painting, snow had begun to fall lightly.

She moved tentatively into the entrance hall. Severus was waiting there, the black robes hung loosely on his shoulders. His black travelling cloak fell to his feet, and a long green scarf curled around his neck. The sight of him made Lily weak at the knees.

He hurried up to her, slightly breathless

'Hi…shall we go then?'

Lily nodded stonily in reply.

The pair walked down the street, snow was beginning to fall heavily and the air had a chilly bite to it. Severus glanced nervously at his companion, as if waiting for her to explode. Lily stopped in front of Honey Dukes and examined the products on display.

'Shall we get a butter beer…its quite cold' he said tentatively and gestured to the Three Broomsticks a short way down the road.

'I could do with a butter beer' she replied.

They made their way inside; the atmosphere was warm, as well as the surroundings. Lily slid into a table in the far corner, watching the snow fall gently outside.

Severus shuffled up to the counter and got two butter beers, and settled himself opposite Lily.

'I'm sorry Lily'

She sighed and stared into his black eyes; they bore into her like knives.

'Severus…' she stopped, and swallowed. 'I cant make you chose your path. But… I don't want you to do something you will regret, I don't want you to get hurt-'

Severus cut across her 'Do you fancy James Potter?' Snape's determined eyes met hers, and they stared at each other.

'No' she said finally.

He visibly sagged with relief.

'Lily, I…I've wanted to tell you this for so long, but…'

'All right there Evans?'

James Potter strolled up behind Lily, and leant against the wall. His hair was rumpled untidily. Tall and peaky, his hazel eyes travelled over the scene before him.

'Hey Evans, ditch Snivellus, and go out with me' he said laughingly.

Snape's hand twitched as he surveyed James' smug face split into a wide grin.

Lily turned to stare right at James.

'You arrogant toe rag, what gives you any idea I'd want anything to do with you. Leave us alone'

James paused for a fraction of a heartbeat.

'Only if you go out with me' he raised an eyebrow.

Snape drained his glass, and stood up, anger was emulating from every fiber in his body. James did not see at first, but he looked up in time to see hatred and disgust flow in every line on Severus' face.

'Furnunculus!' he screamed. Everyone in the bar turned to watch as James Potter was thrown back off his feet. He staggered up as his entourage of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew hurried forward.

Sirius pulled out his wand, and Peter followed suit.

'You'll pay for that Snivellus!'

Remus hung back behind looking troubled as his prefects badge glittered.

Large Purple, pus filled boils began to creep up from James' neck, and all over his face. Madame Rosmerta hurried out from behind the bar.

'Out!' she shrieked, 'Out! Out of my Pub!'

James buried his face in his hands and ran out, yelling furiously as he left

'Watch your back Snivellus!'

The others followed him out. Snape was breathing heavily, as if he'd just been running. He looked down at Lily still sat solitary in her seat; she grabbed his arm, and pulled him down. After a few minutes the pub went back to its noisy atmosphere.

'Severus…what the hell was that?'

'I'm tired of being pushed around by Potter, I'm tired of watching him faun all over you like some dog on heat'

The waves of anger radiated off him, Lily could feel them escalating through her. She wanted to hold him, to touch him, to run her fingers through his hair, to comfort him. He looked away.

Lily inhaled deeply, and slowly curled her fingers around his. He looked at her, his eyes searching hers, and he squeezed her hand gently.

'Shall we go back up to school?'

Lily looked out the window; the snow had made a thick blanket over the street.

'We should go soon' Severus said. He stood up, and they held hands all the way back to school.

By the next day the sun was making an appearance and the snow had melted. The news that James Potter was in the hospital with purple pustules all over his face had spread like wildfire. In the Slytherin common room Severus was somewhat a hero. Lucius Malfoy clapped him on the back, and the rest congratulated him. Severus went down to breakfast feeling elated.

At the Gryffindor table, clumps of various Gryffindors had their heads together, talking in low voices. They scowled as he walked past, whispering hurriedly.

Severus scanned the table for Lily; he immediately spotted her bright red hair amongst the sea of black, browns and blondes.

He hovered by the Slytherin table, in hope she would look up.

She could feel someone staring at her, and she glanced up, doing a double take she saw Severus, who motioned for her to follow him.

It was a cold morning, despite the watery sunlight the poured over the grounds. Lily followed Severus out into the day. He had a stack of toast with him, which he shared with Lily as they strolled through the grounds.

'Lily, I was trying to tell you something yesterday before we were interrupted…' He said bitterly.

'Yes?'

'I…I…was…' Severus turned bright red. He took a deep breath 'We've been friends for a long time now… even before school…'

Lily looked at him quizzically.

'Uh-huh…Severus are you ok?'

'Well…the thing is Lily…. I'm uhh… in sort of…Love with you…'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 I do not own Harry potter

They had reached the edge of the forbidden Forest by now; the trees loomed over them silently.

Lily stared at him as she absorbed this.

'What…? She stuttered

'Oh…uhh…no nothing Lily I'd better go…class soon…' he started to leave.

'NO!' she yelled in desperation. She would not let him leave…not like this.

He froze a few feet away from her.

'You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that…to know you feel... the same' she whispered into the air.

He turned slowly on the spot, and with the speed of a cat he was next to her and pulling her into the forest.

He flung her against a tree and leant against it with both hands over her shoulders, pinning her to the tree.

'I knew you felt the same…' he whispered into her ear, as he played with a lock of her hair.

'Sev…what are you doing…' she gasped as slowly he began to kiss her exposed neck.

He didn't reply but his movements became frantic and passionate as he wound his hand into her hair and tilted her head back so he could nuzzle into her further.

Lily began to have feelings she didn't even know she could feel. Her stomach was doing the samba and her heart was drumming against her ribs. The tender touch of his lips against her skin sent tingles from the roots of her hair to her toes. His kisses moved up to her chin, he pressed his body into hers, and pulled one of her legs around his waist. He stopped and looked into her eyes.

'Sev…' she gasped. 'I love you, I always have'

He smiled and slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. His dark hair tickled her face; Lily closed her eyes and breathed him in. Severus slowly opened her mouth with his, and slipped his tongue in and began to probe her mouth. Their tongues met, and Lily put her hands against his face to pull him in for more, he held himself against her.

She blushed against his obvious erection that was pressing into her.

He continued to kiss her, but moved his hands slowly down the length of her body stroking, and putting pressure on her breasts and teasing her nipples through the cloth robes. He slowly ran his pale fingers up her soft thigh that was curled around his waist. He slowly moved up to her groin, where he began to stroke and rub Lily through her cotton underwear and

He felt her moisten. Her face was flushed as she moaned quietly and grasped him.

The bell echoed across the grounds.

Severus pulled away and looked disorientated.

'I guess we have to go back' he whispered huskily

'Yeah…' Lily breathed. She stood disbelieving of what just happened, after years of just friendship she finally had what she been dreaming of for months and months.

They looked at each other, and Lily kissed him again, 'Comon, otherwise…we'll be late'

They smiled at each other and set off to their next class.

Their figures moving way off into the distance, Lily's fiery red hair bouncing as she hand in hand with Severus Snape jogged up to their next class, James Potter emerged from behind some undergrowth having watching their display. Anger was boiling inside him like poison and He grabbed his invisibility cloak and made his way to class.

Lily entered the class after Snape, into Charms. Everyone turned to stare as they entered. _'Already a little bit late' _Lily thought... Professor Flitwick glanced at them tiredly.

'Thank you for joining us Mr Snape and Miss Evans' They muttered their apologies as Professor Flitwick continued 'And so, as I was saying, when using _engorgio _you must have precise control or the object will grow uncontrollably, divide up and then we shall practice!'

At that moment James potter stumped through sweaty and annoyed looking.

Everyone again turned to stare, including Lily and Severus who were sat together. James stopped and glared at them with a vehemence that shocked Lily.

He threw himself into a chair beside Sirius Black.

'Kind of you to join us Mr. Potter, hurry up and take your seat.'

'Sorry Sir' he mumbled.

Lily and Severus exchanged glances.

At the end of the lesson Lily and Severus left together, talking about the spell they had just learned, Lily's mind wondered to the forbidden forest…

'Oi! Sev!' a voice called.

Mulciber trudged up, and put a hand on Severus's shoulder.

'Fuck off Mudblood' and with his free hand, he shoved Lily into the large, swirling crowd of people who were moving to their next lesson.

As she fell into the multitude of people now hurrying in each direction, Lily tripped and fell under the feet of the stomping crowd.

'Lily!' Severus yelled. Horrified, He searched frantically for her…

She finally emerged, cutting a path through the crowd, with blood pouring from her forehead; she was sickly pale and dirtied from the floor and supported by James Potter. The people nearest were stopping and apologising to Lily as she passed.

'It's ok Lily, I'm going to take you to the hospital wing now, don't worry, it's going to be ok' he soothed

She clung to his arm.

'Lily…are you ok?' Severus said urgently.

'Back off Snape, I'm taking her to the hospital wing' James Snarled

'I will take her Potter!' Severus sneered back.

'No… I think your _friend _is waiting' he gestured at Mulciber, who had been laughing the entire time.

Snape cringed.

James shouldered past Severus and held Lily close, so he could guide her to the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey was an earthly woman, who had kind eyes and a firm tone. When James and Lily entered she hurried over in her Nurses uniform, with a worried expression on her face.

'Dear Lord child! What happened?'

Lily looked up into her eyes, and began to cry.

'Hey, Hey, Lily it's ok!' James pulled her closer.

'Ill clean her up Mr. Potter, please wait here a moment.'

Madame Pomfrey took her behind a curtain. 10 minutes later, Lily's head wound has disappeared and an expression of being very uncomfortable.

'Now, tell me how this happened' she looked quizzically at both of them.

James proceeded to tell Madame Pomfrey what had happened.

She looked worried. 'I'll inform the headmaster, you did the right thing by bringing her here.'

She turned to Lily. 'Miss Evans, you will stay here tonight for observation, you've broken a few ribs as well, which will need the night to heal. I will inform your head of house. Just rest for now.' she bustled off into her office to send the Owls.

'Lily…' James said tentatively, 'How are you feeling?' he felt angry before that she could even begin to have feelings for that grease ball. But he couldn't leave her, not when she was in trouble, not when she was like this.

'Thank you for your help James, I'm sorry I ever turned my nose up at you, you're a nice person when you're not showing off.' She said this slowly and carefully.

James laughed. 'Thanks Lily.'

'Listen Lily, do you want me to come have lunch with you? There doesn't seem to be anyone in here, and I don't want you to get lonely…but if you don't want to that's ok…'

She looked up at him. 'That would be lovely James, thank you'

'Ok' he touched her shoulder, 'you rest now and I'll be back soon'

Lily lay down on the bed and dozed in and out of consciousness.

The pain was dulling now, she thought of how much it hurt when she hit her head. He thoughts travelled over what had happened, the sea of feet as she struggled to get up but just getting kicked and knocked down again, and Severus… Severus not even bothering to try… not even bothering to care… How could she have been so blind?

Lily could hear students moving around outside, and realised it must be next lesson. She shut her eyes and fell under the surface of sleep.

'Lily?'

She slowly opened her eyes, and let her surroundings come into focus. Severus Snape's pointed nose, sallow skin and long raven hair sharpened into focus. Lily sat up, carefully trying not to move to much.

'Hello Severus' She replied coolly.

'Lily…I am so sorry…please forgive me' his eyes pleaded

'Of course I don't blame you Severus. You didn't push me' Lily said, almost in monotone.

He looked puzzled, then relieved. His face still made Lily's heart ache.

'But…Severus…' She looked suddenly sad.

His head snapped up, her tone inspired fresh panic in his heart.

She sighed.

'Whatever we could have had…it wouldn't work'

'What…' he trailed off.

'I'll always end up getting hurt, emotionally or physically… because I'll never be more important then the death eaters to you' she was crying now.

'Lily…' he whispered 'don't…do this'

'I am sorry Severus' she looked sorry.

Just then, James Potter clattered through the door, stumbling as he came through. His arms were full of food.

He stopped dead when he saw Snape.

'Oh… Sorry Lily'

'That's ok James, Severus was just leaving'

'Your having lunch with _him' _he hissed.

'I'll catch you later Severus' Lily said pointedly.

Severus stood slowly. He stared down at Lily for a last time, and fled from the room, glaring at James as he swiftly moved past.

'What was that about?'

Lily sighed; she wiped the excess tears away from her face.

'Nothing James, it doesn't matter for now.'

She smiled

'I am hungry though'

James grinned at her and set out the food on her bed.

'So,' James began casually, after they had eaten 'what's Snape's problem anyway? He seemed pretty unhappy'

Lily sighed.

'Lily…' James began, but stalled…should he tell her he'd seen her with Snape? James felt strongly about Lily, but that doesn't mean he wanted to make a fool of himself.

Lily seemed aware of this internal battle.

'James are you ok?'

He looked into her emerald eyes.

'I saw you, and Snape in the forest'

Lily blushed and looked away.

'I don't want to lie to you Lily. It made me feel…sad.'

She looked up.

'Sad?'

'I understand that you like him…but he'll never make you happy' his face was sad, and his voice thick with anguish.

His honesty took Lily aback.

'James, I-'

He held up his hand.

'I just want you to be happy Lily'

The shrill bell rang making them both jump.

They both laughed nervously.

'I'll see you later Lily'


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Harry Potter **

Chapter Three

Madame Pomfrey checked the wound, which had more then completely healed.

'After last nights observation, you've healed well; your ribs are completely healed, although you'll be a bit sore for a while. Other then that my dear, you'll be alright.'

'Thank you Madame Pomfrey'

'Oh and, the students in question of this incident are in detention for the rest of the Year, and including your…friend who was here yesterday.'

Lily looked up in surprise.

'Oh but Severus didn't do anything'

Madame looked reproachfully down at Lily. 'According to witnesses whom the headmaster interviewed himself, Severus was laughing along with Mulciber.'

The colour drained from her face.

'Oh…I see, anyway may I be excused?'

'Yes dear, unfortunately there's a Quidditch match approaching and I'm going to need the beds I've got.' She rolled her eyes 'You have today off so please take it easy in your common room'

'Thank you Madame Pomfrey'

'Ok dear, bye now.'

Lily left the hospital wing and made her way to the common room. She winced every time she made a sudden movement, so she walked slowly, trying to keep herself upright.

In what seemed like ages, Lily was finally faced with the fat lady's concerned face.

'What happened to you?'

Lily cringed internally.

'Oh you know, usual Hogwarts injury.' The fat lady rolled her eyes.

'Password?'

'Kelpies Whelp'

'In you go'

She was greeted with the common rooms comforting atmosphere and cosy furniture. It was nearly empty except for a few who were dashing away to their lesson. They greeted her as they ran past, and Lily smiled weakly in reply. Lily settled herself in a squashy armchair and dozed off. Nearly 3 hours later, she felt a gentle hand rock her.

'Lily?' Mary cooed.

'Hey Mary'

'I brought you some lunch'

'Thank you''

'If you sleep down here you'll get back ache you know'

Lily laughed.

'I know'

'Lily…Are you alright'

Lily watched Mary as she moved to a seat opposite.

'Yeah…I'm just shook up.' An orb of despair settled in her chest, and was beginning to grow.

'Okay, I have to go to class now, but ill be up later, take a bath then go to bed ok?'

'Thanks Mary'

'Ok, see you soon.'

Lily watched her leave, and put her head in her hands. She felt the ache all over her body, it wasn't just from being trampled on…the betrayal of her best friend... her love. Lily's thoughts drifted to the morning in the forest with Severus. She blushed and smiled to herself, then her thoughts drifted to when Severus visited her in the hospital wing. It hurt, but it was for the best… the thought brought on a new kind of ache. She loved him she could not deny this. But he had laughed at her? When she was in pain and close to being seriously hurt, perhaps he's not as sensitive as she first deemed.

She leant back and let the tears well up her eyes. How could he? How could he be so sadistic? The tears rolled down her cheeks.

After sobbing for what seemed like an eternity she decided to take Alice's advice and left the common room to take a bath. She settled in the Hogwarts bathtub and let her muscles relax.

She decided not to bother drying her hair with a spell, and went back to the common room where she curled under her duvet and slept.

A few hours later, she staggered down to the common room.

'Lily!' James called, he was stood at a table where he had arranged two chairs close together, and was in the process of putting out food.

'Hello James'

'How are you?' she asked.

'I'm alright' he grinned.

She laughed. She felt her spirits lift when James was around…

'Want to have some dinner?'

'Thanks, I'm starving!'

They munched in silence; from the plates that James had produced from his bag.

Lily watched him as they ate, and he chattered about his day, and the upcoming Quidditch match._ 'I just want you to be happy lily' _did he mean _he_ could make her happy? She didn't see why not, these past few days she had done a complete 360 turn and seen that Severus Snape could never commit to her as James Potter could. James was sociable, kind, easy to be with, good looking, and popular. But Lily was never one to be with someone for how popular or good-looking he was. She sighed.

'Lily you ok?'

'Yeah…Yeah, I was just thinking'

'About Snape?' he accused.

'Yes…but not like that,' she took a deep breath. 'I do Love him, I cant deny that to myself…or anyone, but your right James, he won't make me happy.'

He looked bewildered for a moment, and then his face fell.

'You still love him?'

Lily sighed again.

'Yes…but I believe I can get over him. He's hurt me too many times, first with the Mudblood thing,' James winced, 'then with Mulciber, I just don't see how he can expect me to hang around for him.'

'Lily…' James began quietly I think _I _could…help you…and make you happy…' he trailed off.

'What do you mean?' she asked

'We could try and be…together, I think in time, you could love me, like I love you.' He blushed furiously.

'James…' she looked at him. He had a beautiful face, that of a boy beyond his age, even though he always came across as the arrogant Quidditch team captain who laughed at someone when they tripped over. He was nicer, gentler then she ever anticipated. She could do a lot worse.

'Okay.' She said resolutely.

'Okay?'

'Lets give it a try James'

He smiled so broadly she though his face would crack in two.

He threw his arms around her and hugged her close.

'You'll see Lily, I'll make you so happy!'

Lily breathed him in, a delicate smell of grass and a musty smell of the castle.

She smiled too- it was infectious.

'I'll leave you to rest, will you come back down into the common room later?'

'Sure James, have a good afternoon' she looked into his eyes, and he began to lean forward in an arc towards her face. She hesitated for a moment, then out of curiosity she leant forward to meet him, and their lips met. His lips were soft and warm, she felt safe kissing him, but it didn't have quite the same fire as the kiss with Severus. After a few moments, he drew back.

'Ill see you later' he said breathlessly. Then he touched her cheek, and left quickly, grabbing his bag as he went.

Later as she made her way down to the common room, she decided she felt _raw_ after everything that had happened, moving through the people like she was a red uncooked piece of meat, like she had been through a blender, emotionally and physically.

As the days past and she healed, she found that she healed mostly because of James, which surprised her. She laughed and felt comfortable with him.

Lily occasionally saw Severus in the corridor, but would hide in the nearest classroom or bathroom, not ready to talk to him yet.

A full 5 months after the event, Lily and James made their relationship public, and it really was a relationship she thought, not some sort of illusion they first created. Lily couldn't pinpoint when she first fell in love in with James, but she knew in the moment, when they kissed the great hall, in front of the Gryffindors where they laughed and smiled in encouragement, some looking shocked and incredulous.

However, there were some that were not happy with this paring.

On the way to class, Lily was walking with Mary and her friends in Gryffindor, when her bag split.

'Oh no'

They all bent over to help.

'No you guys go on ahead, tell Professor Flitwick I'll be there shortly, I don't wanna make you guys late!' she looked glum.

Soon the corridor emptied and Lily was there trying to sort through the books that had ink split on, siphoning it off.

Severus appeared, and dropped down to help her.

She looked up.

'I should've known, if you wanted to talk to me you could have just asked' she said abruptly.

He said nothing and continued to help her with the books, once she had repaired her bag, they stood facing each other.

'How've you been Severus?'

'I turn my back for one second…' there was a poisonous anger that rung in every syllable of his words 'and your gallivanting off with that _arsehole_ in front of the WHOLE SCHOOL!' he finished his rant by bellowing into her face.

She looked shocked for a moment, and then regained her composure.

'Is it true you just laughed when I was being stamped on like a hedgehog? Did Mulciber's little pretty boy not seem sadistic enough?'

She was shouting now. He winced visibly at her words.

'I…I…. Lily you know what those guys are like!' he paused she looked away, staring determinedly away from him.

'They got all sorts of power if I don't do what they say…they'll hurt me...'

Lily looked up.

'I have to go…I'm sorry.'

The colour drained from Severus' face.

She walked away.

Severus stared after her, watching her gracefully walk away. Tears began to pour from him like larva from a volcano. He realised he'd lost her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry took so long to update been hectic. **

**I do not own Harry Potter. **

Lily lay in the cool shades of the trees next to the lake, it was rare she got alone time, and now revelled in some time to herself. With OWLS, hanging out with James and her friend's time was slipping through her fingers.

She was waiting for James to come out from his Defence against the Dark Arts OWL which she had already taken. Of course he'd pass it. Smart arse.

She shut her eyes and breathed in the sweet grass. Her friends, she could hear were coming towards her.

She opened her eyes and stared out at them; behind them she could see James and his gang messing around making their way down. A bit further behind she could see Severus. They had not really spoken since that day in the hallway. There was the occasional 'Hello' but it was partly due to her guilt and partly due to her pride that she did not seek him out.

Severus sat alone, while James sat a little way across from her, chatting to his friends Sirius, Remus and Peter.

Lily began to get engrossed in gossip, talking of relationships, OWLS and possible beauty products. She didn't notice the commotion until it had already started. Severus was upside down, shouting vehemently at James.

'For fucks sake...' she hissed, getting up.

Students had started to crowd around the spectacle laughing at James's insults.

'ENOUGH!' I shouted.

'Lily...' James whispered pointedly

'Put him down James, I won't tolerate you being an arsehole!' she shouted.

He sighed. And let him down.

'Alright that's it shows over!' Lily shouted at the other students.

'Lucky for you Snivellus that Lily's got a heart.' James said, still taunting him.

'I don't need help from a filthy MUDBLOOD!' he snarled.

Lily stood motionless.

'APOLOGISE TO HER!' James bellowed, re-drawing his wand.

'NO! James, it's not worth it. Just leave it.' Lily shouted. 'Comon, let's go somewhere else.'

'Fine.' He stomped off, with his friends in tow. Lily made a meal of gathering her things, and eventually the crowd thinned.

Severus approached her.

'Lily...' he whispered to her, she had her back to him.

'Yes Severus?' she kept her voice level...don't explode... she told herself.

'I'm sorry...I called you a...a...'

'Mudblood?' She said harshly, and turned to face him.

'Listen Severus, there's no point even thinking we could have any kind of friendship. I have come to expect nothing but betrayal and deceit from you.'

'But...lily...I...Love...you...'

Her face softened.

'I loved you to once...a part of me always will...but...' she sighed, she must leave all of this behind now.

'Good luck Severus with the rest of your life.'

'No...' he said, but she was already walking away.

The rest of their school lives passed, and they never spoke, Lily went on to forget about the poor needy Severus, but he did not forget her.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own any of the characters/places/etc I know its been a long time since Ive updated this. Sorry!**

CHAPTER FIVE

Lily walked down the street of Diagon Alley, picking some potions ingredients. Her and James have been living together for nearly a year, and were content. She passed by, not really paying attention. She replayed in her head when he'd asked her to live with him. She was sure eventually he'd ask her to marry him. This thought made her glow.

A little further away ahead, a familiar face caught her attention in the crowd of people.

She dismissed it as someone she must have known but disappeared into the crowd. She stopped at a counter to inspect some toad brains when a person in the crowd bumped into her, spreading her shopping over the street.

Annoyed, she bent to retrieve her things.

'I'm terribly sorry.' I man's voice said quietly.

'That's alright...' Lily said, looking up at the man. She physically stumbled back.

'Severus?' she said.

'Hello Lily...' he whispered. His face was partially hidden by a hood that he had up.

'What on earth are you doing here? Last I heard...well...Last I heard you were out of Britain' _with the death eaters _she added in her mind.

She continued to get her things and repack them.

He helped her.

'Well, I've recently returned. I've been hoping to run into you...' he said, still ever quiet.

'Oh?' Lily said, suddenly suspicious.

'Just to get together' he said reassuringly.

'Oh, right, well yes we could go for a butter beer'

'I would love that, maybe you could come to my house?' he asked eagerly.

'Yes, maybe' said lily doubtfully.

'Alright it's settled then! Spinners end Tomorrow? 10'oclock?!' he said impishly.

'Al...Alright...' Lily said. Oh dear, she thought what have I got myself into?


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Harry Potter, thanks for the reviews!**

Chapter Six

The neighbourhood was dank and wet, and very forbidding. Lily walked briskly through the streets and back alleys, following the directions Severus gave her. She refused going by Floo Powder, insisting she 'needed the exercise'. This place looked forbidding as it is, she didn't want to go to his house blindly, not knowing her way around this place. Despite it being morning it seemed shadowy.

The turquoise door stood out like a beacon among the greys and the blacks. She rapped loudly on the door.

James was against her coming here, she remembered when she told him last night.

'_Absolutely not Lily!' he shouted from the bottom of the stairs. _

'_It's not up for debate James, It's just a butter beer at his house, and it's not a big deal!' _

_She shouted back at him. _

_She continued to brush her teeth. She could hear him stomping up the stairs. _

'_Lily, do you remember what he was like at school?' he said angrily as he turned into their bathroom._

'_James, please! I doubt he'll even be in the country long...' Lily said tiredly. _

_He sighed resignedly, and put his arms around her waist. _

'_If he upsets you, I can't be responsible for my actions...' he planted soft kisses on her neck. Lily laughed, 'Ok, ok.' She turned around in his arms to kiss him fully. They moved into the bedroom. _

The door opened, Severus was framed in the doorway. 'Lily! How are you? Please, come in!'

She smiled. 'Hi Severus' she stepped over the threshold.

The house was spotless, filled with bookcases and a faded green carpet. It was a little shabby.

'Care for a drink?' Severus said.

'Oh...yes please'

'Please, make yourself comfortable' he gestured to a large leather sofa.

He left the room, and returned a second later with a jug and two glasses.

'Butter beer alright?' he asked

'Lovely thanks'

Lily sipped her drink and looked around nervously.

'So, Severus...it's been a long time.' She said

'It has indeed Lily, tell me about your life since you left Hogwarts?' he asked kindly.

'Well, I started an apprenticeship with the Ministry and now I'm working in the Department of International Magical Cooperation'

'Excellent... I always knew you'd do well. So are you...with anyone?' he asked quietly.

Lily flushed 'Well...I'm living with James Potter...I don't know if you remember him...'

Snape's face turned a sallow yellow colour. 'James Potter? Lily...'

'Don't Severus...tell me what _you've _been up to' Lily quickly changed the subject, as she threw down the last of her butter beer.

'After we stopped being friends...my life didn't mean much' he said quietly.

'Oh Severus...' Lily whispered. She suddenly felt so tired. 'I really wish we could be friends...but I'm with James....'

Suddenly she felt _very _tired.

'Severus...I-'

Her vision began to cloud. _What's going on? _ It went grey around the edges and then...black.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey thanks for the really positive messages! Have a good Christmas everyone!**

**Oh and I don't own Harry Potter (unfortunately)! **

Chapter Seven

Severus's Point of View

I could see Lily stir, she was strapped to a chair. Her beautiful hair was plastered over face; I felt a terrible yearning to kill every person in this room. I looked at all of them now, staring down at her like she was dirt! There must have been about ten, all wearing the same long black robes, with a hood covering our faces as I was. She was worth more than all of these... _scum_. The room was dark, only the place where Lily sat was illuminated.

I could not lose control. It might make things worse...I _needed _Lily to survive. How would I go on if she died here today?

'Wake up Mudblood!' screeched Bellatrix Le Strange. Her voice made my skin crawl.

Lily's eyes opened, her deep green eyes took a moment to register the sight before her.

'Severus?' she said weakly.

Her voice was so... strangled, God what have I done?

'What have you done with Severus?' she said, stronger now.

Bellatrix cackled hair-raisingly. A chill started at the bottom of my spine and my stomach dropped. I stood very still as Lily looked around wildly. I was hidden in the figures of black.

'Didn't you know Mudblood? Your old friend Severus was the one who drugged you!?' I could hear the glee in her voice.

The betrayal in Lily's eyes was only equal to the anguish I felt.

'Oh yes, filth' she spat 'Severus orchestrated this wonderful opportunity' I could hear the smirk on her face.

'What do you w-want with me?' she whispered.

'We need to know everything you can tell us about the Order of the Phoenix' another voice said from behind me, it was that of Bellatrix's husbands.

'B-but I don't know anything' she whimpered. It tore at my heart.

'Lies!' Bellatrix screeched again 'Crucio!' she bellowed.

Lily's screams bounced grotesquely off the walls of my dank house.

'I'm not part of the Order!' she wheezed, her head nearly bent between her knees.

'Huh...Don't fret Mudblood; we have plenty of time to get the truth. Take her to the cell' Bellatrix ordered.

Two of the figures dragged her to a cell beneath the house, to let her await the same treatment.

I'm a monster.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry I haven't written in a while! Hope you all had a good new year! I do not Own Harry Potter **

CHAPTER EIGHT

Severus's point of view

Lily has been a prisoner in my house for over a week now. The atmosphere in my own house in constantly sinister and on edge. The foul stench of blood saturates the walls.

There was a task of going to Diagon Alley to pick up essentials for the indeterminable amount of unhygienic death eaters living in my house. I jumped at the task, eager to get out of this house for a few hours.

I haven't seen Lily since that first day. But I've heard her. She is tortured for information every day, and every day she permeates my dreams with her agonising screams. If I save her, where will that leave me?

My thoughts always strayed to her, as they did now. I strolled down Diagon alley in the bitter cold, not many people around this time of day. My hood was drawn up, and I carried a basket full of things that Bellatrix and the others 'needed'.

'Hey you!' A voice called. Assuming it to be nothing to do with me, I continued my browsing around Eeylops Owl Emporium.

A hand stretched around from behind me, and dragged me into the alleyway behind the shop.

My hood was ripped from my face, to look into the eyes of a now grown up James Potter.

Oh no.

Time had changed him; he was considerably more handsome than before, taller and broader. He and Lily must make an impressive couple. I hissed involuntarily.

'Get off me Potter. Do you have any Idea who I'm in league with?' I said by way.

'I don't care if you are in league with the devil himself Snape, Where is Lily?' he said, with a note of desperation colouring his tone. I took a closer look at him then, yes he was more handsome...but his hair was unkempt and his stumble untended. His face was drawn, and bags were heavy under his eyes.

'I...' what should I say?

'You are coming with me!' he snarled and without taking a breath, he performed a body binding curse on me, and now I was being carried away like dirty washing. I watched as Diagon alley zoomed past me, and eventually potter found a large sack from behind a shop, and proceeded to put me in it.

I was carried along, occasionally I banged my head, and hit against walls. I'm sure I was flown too...but I cannot be sure.

It felt like hours when I was finally set down on a cold floor.

The curse was taken off.

After hours in darkness, my eyes hadn't to adjust to the light.

'Severus Snape?' A voice said harshly.

'Who is there?' was that my voice that sounded so afraid?

'Where is Lily Evans?' it said again. Oh god....

'I...I don't know...'

Everything came into contrast, and stood before me was a wizened old man, who could only be one man.

'Dumbledore?' A chill caressed my spine. The chances of living through this had gone from slim to nothing.

'That's Mr. Dumbledore to you, Severus Snape. Answer, where is Lily Evans?'

'She...She...' The words failed me.

I looked around for a way out.

It was a plain grey stone room, with no door and no windows. There were two others in the room with me, sat in comfortable looking chintz chairs. Upon closer inspection, I saw them to be Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

This is just a day for school reunion for me.

'You have been given a chance, now we must resort to other methods.' Dumbledore's voice was full of icy cold rage. I could not bring myself to look at him.

'Sit' he commanded.

Dumbledore conjured a wooden chair with chains on it. As soon as I sat down, the chains snaked themselves around my limbs and held me there with an iron grip.

'Remus' Dumbledore said quietly, and held out his hand, I saw something exchange between them.

'Severus Snape. You will answer the questions via Veritaserum.'

Sweat pooled under my armpits.

Sirius Black forced my mouth open with his wand, and Remus Lupin poured exactly a drop into the depths of my soul. I felt suddenly hollow, like they could reach in and take what they wanted from me. A warmth spread in my gut.

'Now, Severus Snape, I will _not_ ask you again, where is Lily Evans?' The compulsion to answer overwhelmed me. I _had_ to answer; I _had_ to tell him the truth.

'At my house.' _Shut up you fool! _My brain screamed.

'Why is she there?'

'I invited her'

'For what purpose?'

'To find information on the Order of the Phoenix.' My voice was totally expressionless, the anguish and fear I felt could not be heard in my voice.

'She is not part of the order, why her?'

'We had a tip that she was cued to be a member'

'What have you been doing with her, for a whole week?'

'She has been subjected to torture and questioning'

There was a deafening silence.

'You sick _bastard'_ Black whispered.

'How do you feel about Lily Evans, Mr Snape?' Dumbledore said suddenly. He is a very perceptive man- I should have known my feelings would be in question.

'I love her.' I said without hesitation. Damn.

I heard a sharp intake of breath from the left of me.

'But if you love her, then why torture her?' Dumbledore asked softly.

'My feelings are invalid- there is only the Dark Lord.' This time...my voice cracked. The silence that followed was deafening.

Dumbledore charged into action, and he was simply terrifying.

'Sirius, inform James of this...development. Remus, rebind this man, and inform the rest of the order. There may be others who wish to question him. Find someone else to watch over him and meet me in an hour or so'

With that, a door appeared as he strode towards the wall.

Black left shortly after him, and Lupin sauntered up to me.

'Don't touch me!' I snarled at him.

'You don't have a choice.' Lupin said, and everything went black.


End file.
